I was unsure whether or not I was going to do a blog this month. As I wade through the chemo and cancer journey I am choosing to have a lot of grace with myself and some of my “to-dos” that can easily pile up. I was unsure of a topic or a birth book to read. But I found myself reading a book recommended to me by a friend at book club and I found a piece of it really enlightening for a commonly neglected topic; postpartum depression. 

Kathryn Greene-McCreight’s book “Darkness Is My Only Companion: A Christian Response to Mental Illness” touches on her experience of mental illness that was sparked after the birth of her child. In my own experience, I have found that the topic of mental health is either commonly misunderstood in the church or glazed over as if not a present thing within many congregations.

Mental illness is real. Depression is real. And postpartum depression is most definitely real. But one thing that I was struck with while reading was the challenge we face in inviting Christ into the journey of these illnesses. I intentionally say challenge because I think a large amount of the world and many faith communities tell us to ignore or brush it off with a verse or two of the bible.

Another thing I have personally shied away from is seeing God as a mother. We commonly refer to God as Father but do we choose to see him as a mother who births us, comforts us, and sustains us with life. Greene-McCreight writes it beautifully here. . .

“Like a child quieted at its mother's breast. I love that image. I remember when my son, our first child, was an infant, he would get so hungry and grumpy, but within seconds of his latching onto the breast, the grimace would leave his face and a flood of delight would spread over him. A child satisfied at its mother's breast. Dear God, give me your milk and quiet my soul; give me the piece of feeding on you” (McCreight, 66). 

Maybe this imagery makes us uncomfortable because it is so intimate, but that is the desire of the Lord’s heart. McCreight focuses on this reliance and sustenance from God through her experience with postpartum depression and mental illness. 

This metaphor is a comfort to me. Something I find so incredible about breastfeeding is that your milk continues to develop through your breastfeeding experience for what your baby needs. Right when a baby is birthed, the breast produces a small amount of a woman’s first milk which is called colostrum. There is a limited supply because babies don't need that much. And it is richly and densely filled with nutrients and vitamins so that what little the baby may get as it is learning to feed, it will sustain her well. But as you continue breastfeeding, milk forms and knows what types of nutrients the baby needs at 2 months of age, 6 months of age, a year.  

The Lord knows what we need in every stage of life. Every month, every day, every hour. When I have been through seasons of depression, understanding what I need can be a challenge in itself. God sustains me in motherly ways and I can receive this. God knows what I need. 

Postpartum depression is so hard! You're wondering why you’re feeling so low when this new and joyful thing just entered into your life! …But it’s understandable. The transition of motherhood is a lot! Maybe for some, the biggest transition they will ever experience. It is joyful and new, but it is weighty. I don’t want to brush postpartum depression under the rug as we commonly do. I am here to say it’s real and it’s hard. BUT in the midst of it, we have a mother. God sustains us as his children and we participate in a tangible reflection of this as we sustain our baby.